bust your move

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i hate school
and everyone around me

don't hold back just let it go

yuck...i want to puke...it smells like burgers in the car. i feel nauseaus. my stomach hurts and its quiet in the car.
i admit i love that francisco is driving and he drove the whole way home beause i was tired of driving...but...its so boring being a passenger
all of my friends are basically my parents
natalia and francisco drive me home well francisco does and nati is like the mom cause shes always checkin up
drew and yisel cuz they push me around in carts...well that was once but enough
lol
est time to drop off drew according to ethel/genie?: 6:49pm..it is now 638 cool..i'm tired after we all unload i'm going to dinner with my family.
then watching tv with my mom
then sleeping
then going to sf with Natalia
yay
im excited

hot hot like a fire

oh me oh my tonight was amazing...even if cash cash is sitting down munchin on dennys an hour after we were there it's cool. im glad jean paul came when i called hims. i iwsh icouldve seenMike and compared our pants i miss him hes cute and tubby and i want to have all their babies but thats besside the point. i think drew is trying to fall asleepppp...speaking of drew he keeps carrrraaacking his toes its weeeiiird i'm like stooooooopppppppp ya know? as i type my phone is making wird noises...
but today was eventufl or last night w/e....
scavanger hunts
hide and seek
and wife swapp...life in the bindergarten household is INTENSE
i dont want to leave tomorrow


apparently francisco wants to drive the whole way i call shot gun i have to be in the front the whole fing way but yah
idk
my stomach was hurting i drove heklllaaa on wednesday
drew drove 2hrs but he drove the grapevien so ill give him that hahhah
ok i cant think of anything i'll probably flickr/photobucket the coollleection of photographs ive taken over the past couple days...sacramento then san francisco...i'm NEVER going to do my hw....damnit
night

blogger..wait that's not al yric

so i just got out of my class..well no i was waiting in line to use a computer so i could post a blog and steal time from studious students that use the schools sources for more..practical things..
i feel bad theres like five or six people inline..they look stressed but i'm far too
i have 40 minutes to type this its 11:11. so i guess 39?
ok it autosavedat 11:04
no one cares stop rambling alana

so okay the 10 mins i was in calss waiting for my professors to show up i noticed a few things

one. there was the girl wearing the same red jacket she always wears when out class meets...i wonder...is it the only one she owns? is it her favorite? why does she wear it all the time? does she wear it every day or only on the days our class meets?
would i recognize her in any other piece of clothing?

two. a new guy, a loud new guy..maybe he's nto new but today was the first time i noticed him. he pranced in...wait not pranced...waltzed? no that doesn't sound right either..well anyways he entered the room
his voice booming..okay maybe it wasn't that loud but he projected it so that every girl could hear him. i think we all looked up simultanteously. the peered around looking at his prospective [? no that doesnt read right..] prey and i felt myself staring.
now this boy he wasn't beautiful i wasn;t about to jump hsi boens or anything..maybe ti was the change of appearance..he wasnt the gross scragly males that surroundeded me any other day.
but i noticed him..so did other girls. a few pulled out their mirrors to make sure they looked just right, a few blew the guy off refusing to take notice to him while other strained their necks to peer around other students that were blocking their vision of this new figure that had come into our lives...well at least for now.


the line is getting longer i often get self concious when the librarians stroll behind and in front of me in fear that they will kick me off and send my on my way to waiti by my boring art history class in the cold harsh rain that in comparison to other parts of America isn't as bad but still...us CA's we don't liek this type of weather

plus i look like crap there's this guy and idk if he wants me off of the computer because there's two people ahead of him btu he keeps staring
its annoying
he's nto bad lookign but i cant stand people that stare
oh crap he;s waliking this way..i guess a computer freed up but i noticed when i looked up at him he wuickly turned his head ..sort of a panic..
weird


ok so im obsessed with HEATHERS when will i meet my JD? my guy that would basically kill anyone taht pisses me off..
hahaha
seriously okay so maybe he was a little extreme but you have to admit it's kinda bad ass..as insane as he is..still. i mean totally ficiticious i'm allowed to dream aren't i?

so io forgot to do the rest of my remarkable blogs..because well..i just ran out of time i wasn't necessarily near a fully charged computer so maybe i'll end it by tellingn you everything i got for my birthday..taht i can rememember oh crap this line is getting really long i'm starting to feel bad byut not bad enough to log off.

i'll leave at 1135...maybe yah
idk


ok ok ok here goes:
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (book)
Photo Album
Gum
Rose
8G Purple iPod Nano
Husqvana Viking Sewing Machine EMERALD
$$$$$
a yellow baseball tee ( i already had one but maybe i'll do something with this one)
a green baseball tee
a black sweater/cardigan from EXPRESS
a book on Obama
Breaking Dawn (DVD)
a Camp Rock Activity Book
HoHos
and
Heathers
i apologize if i am missing anything.
i can't remember everything
i want my Twilight Bag from Kimberly.
i want to see it Nowwwwww


i can't believe we're leaving for San Diego in less than 24 hours!
natalia is going with us.
we're gonna alternate driving.,
i'm supposed to see ehr today but idk she's meeting michelle later idk theyre gonna see a movie..i read in one of her bulletins
i need to pack
thats why she's coming over...to help

you know?
or not
i think i'll have to come home friday and grab another bag for SF
i still don't know what i need.
i should make a list.
maybe that'll be another blog or something.
oh i had a dream someoen told me to make a to do list
so i was at my middle school
sitting in the entrance of the school sittingn at a desk liek those desks from middle school and there were peopel walkign by and i had my phone out liek i was blogging but i also had a paper and pencil
on the paper there was a line straight down the middle on the left it said todo list
the right had ramblings and htoguhts that popped into my head at random parts of the day
my number 1. was to
make drew stop talking abotu Tom Cruise so i can write a to-do list.

now i go t ahed of myself.
in my dream drew was there bitchign about Tom Cruise..of all people...
and i guess Tom had done somethign ridiculous and instead of waiting for the public to ridicule him, he took it upon himself to make fun of himself..you knwot he defense mechanisim we all use..well Drew...he thought it was stupid of Tom to do that.. he said "so what if peopel make fun of him"
i responded with a bitchy attitude an explanation taht seemed to satisfy his wondering mind..because i heard a faint "oh okay i guess.." and i responded with a "whatever now can i finish this to do list?"
but i noticed i kept writing i didnt check of the box next to Number 1 because well..lets face it...that conversation is bound to come up again..even if i dont tdream abotu it again i think that's just the way it is..
i;ll never finish anything
did i mention i didnt do a paper that was due today
i didn tread or anything
crap
but i should turn it in next Tuesday it's liek the altest time i can turn it in without failing. lol

hmm

okay its 1130
well 1129
its stil too early to give this baby up.
the line isnt too bad.
i stopped paying attention i wonder if anyoen wil read this entire blog.. i'm sorry if you're still reading..you can stop

or you can keep reading in hopes that it actually gets inertesting
like maybe i say the name of the boy i've been tripping about lately
btu actually not lately
because in raelity i haven't been thinking about him excessivley..just...regularly..if that makes sense...
it probably doesn't
i'm hungry
bbut not really
i kinda want my art history class to be cancelled
i want to go home
i'm loosing sleep
but w/e
i need to pack
taht's mypriority

i can't believe i'm basically going to 3 classes this week.
i don't count psyc cause i was there for 10 mins and we got dimissed

ok ok
ok
so idk if i'll make it to FASHION so Karli if youre reading..steal me some handout and teach me what we learn ok?
crap i've run otu of things to say...

i wonder if he'll text me today...
DOUBTFUL
i haven't talked to him since my Birthday
he didn't even say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me
what an asshole.

srsly..
where the fuck is my card?
lol
i want it nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

k thx bai
<3

it's my party and i'll cry if i want to

so now i can finally join twenty something bloggers...or do i have to be 21? hahaha
idk...im starving we just watched a film BOYS WILL BE MEN and yeah i have a quiz next class..birthday =lame
lol.
i still don't know what i'm supposed to be wearing i really wanted that skirt from Forever 21...ugh
i was basically falling asleep in YOGA and yeah idk i wanna sleep.
last night was fun...the drive to and from the city was easy..the rain went from pouring down to a light drizzle to nothing at all...
we met a couple cool jonas fans and talked to a few creepers...not jonas creepers..just sf natives...some "special" people, some crazy lady, one woman with an iphone and yeah ...just a bunch of INTERESTING people..hahaha...i'm not paying attention in class...all im thinking about is food and sleep..arounf 4 i have to go on Justin and make tyler shamy sing happy birthday to me
i almost had a heart attack the woman next to me startled me by asking me a question hahahaha...i lost a bar for my battery...daang. i got home early yesterday though..a little after 10pm
ppl thought we wouldnt be bactil after midnight uh oh the lights are turning off time for mooive again
ahhhh i was afraid i was going to erase everything causei got a text more bloggin l8r

like i'm beatin those cakes

today's the day..
well in less than an hour it will me.
got some bad news.
got some good news.
everything he say's bothers me.
oh drew don't read this part...
he can be rude and i'd still forgive him
he can tell me he'll never love me and it wouldn't stop me.
why? because i'm an idiot.
i don't think that guys understand..
even if you push us away [or try] that's not going to help
we're too optimistic..or we like the idea of you.
getting you is one thing
not having you and always wondering?...now that..that's a whole other ball game.
"it's not about whether you win or loose, it's how you play the game" or something along those lines.
honestly. guys should just date everyone..
because i'd get so bored i'd be over him in a day.
the whole not knowing, the whole wondering..that's what eats at the insides..
girls always like the worst of the wost.
sorry but it's probably true..nice guys finish last..but so do nice girls.
you have to not give a fuck to get a guy to notice you..and when you don't give a fuck you just don't give a fuck..the guy trying for your attention will never be graced with your presence because in your eyes he's already way too clingy and needy and needs far too much attention, PLUS he won't leave you alone..poor guy..
i wonder if this is what goes on in guys minds...
do they hate it when we shamelessly flirt? would they rather us ignore them, play them like they play us? are we players in the game?
"he's just not that into you"
man i need to see that movie.
srsly.
i don't think it'd help but yeah.
ugh.
and i want to see confessions.
my birthday is going to suck..probably.
well hopefully not.
there's going to be like three people i actually want to see there..one..not so much and one disappointment that keeps on disappointing.
i hate when people apologize..whether they mean it or not..i mean it's better than not saying anything but half the time i don't believe people when they say "sorry"
i'm so paranoid sometimes.
i thought hey maybe today is starting me off and it's going to be a great year..month..week at least. but no it couldn't even be a great day...i shouldn't dwell in the negative
i should think positive...wonder if that'll ever happen.
wonder if it'll continue to go unnoticed.
wonder if they even care.
wonder if it's really okay.
wonder what the good news was i wanted to share but i can't because i'm a pessimist and i should've gone to bed hours ago..okay like an hour and a half ago

she's so lucky REMARKABLE

okay okay
so i'm usually not the one to be liek OMG My life is great and wonderful and today is SPECTACULAR because...
but seriously today was great.

roughly 50 minutes ago i got a call from my friend Andrea and the words out of her mouth were, "You won."

and i just stopped there in my tracks and said "Wait what?"

and she said " You won!"
and my whole "ARE YOU SERIOUS????!!!?!?! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGOMG..."

so instead of hanging with Natalia tomorrow I'm driving down to San Francisco because i JUST WON a Seat at the JONAS BROTHED 3D CONCERT EXPERIENCE SECRET SCREENING!!!! omg.

i',m freaking out.. today is TRULY remarkable..
it tops EVERYTHING

i srsly think this is about to be my favorite birthday so far!

i feel you whisper across the sea REMARKABLE

sorry for the double post yesterday..not that anyone reads these...
but I've decided it's time to move on.
it's not about the past,
or what could have been,
i need to focus on the now, the present and quite possibly the near future.
i just don't want to get ahead of myself...because when i do, my hopes run high and ultimately leave me in a low state.
part of the reason of the ultimate failure may be partly my fault- i refuse to open up and share my feelings...it's sort of a survival skill, i don't need to be hurt so i just won't open my mouth. plus, i already have a pessimistic mind set, most of the time I'm talking to someone, i feel as if they don't care what i have to say.
i'll get over the fact that he'll never text me unless i text him first or demand he talk to me, i have to get over the fact he's hung up and in a mindset where no one else will ever be as good as her, i have to get over the fact that he'd take up way too much of my time and I'd ultimately get bored and irritated and regret everything.

so yeah...
moving on.

i need six minutes with you

my friends....

fuck up everything.

ugh seriously.
retarded.

today was a shitty day.
it didn't have to be.
everything any body has said to me within the past 24 hours has rubbed me the wrong way.

i overreact sometimes get over it.
no one will ever know everything about me..or all my secrets get over it.
i'm tired of being used...tired of letting people use me...and i'm tired of using people...a never ending cycle.

i'm basically out of a job. well not really. but there's nothing for me to do at the office so i have this whole week off..i think i mentioned that before..and like..ugh.

i hate how people think they know shit when they don't...it's like keep your damn mouth shut.

i hate how someone tells you something and you get really into it and then they just all of a sudden stop it..and i hate how i should know it will happen every time.

quit fucking lying. if you're not gonna tell me the truth keep your mouth shut.
i basically only ever want to see two people. two people that use me..but it's not like they're the only two.

fuck.
seriously.
retarded.
my birthday better fucking top this shit. but it won't because i have a fuckign quiz that day.. i have papers due the next week that i haven't started and this is the gayest month ever.
fuck february i thought this was supposed to be good.





oh look i can be happy again

dont'cha think? [REMARKABLE]

it's been brought to my attention that i repeat things..often...but not really because i already knew i did that.
i'm unbelievably tired.
i went to bed at like 2 or something..i shouldn't be tired but i am.
maybe it's because i'm inactive.
i LOVE how everyone knows...and no one knows at the same time.
high school musical is on. i love this song.
i want a profile song with meaning.
i don't want to be cheesy.
i want a balemtyme.
i feel like i'm hiding things from people.
but. not like anyone needs to know what i'm not saying.
and "it's not lying..it's just not telling the whole story"
my mom just got home.
i miss my camera.
i don't want to tend to my responsibilities.
i want chicken wings..like spicy chicken wings that aren't TOO spicy.
i like eating at hooters.
it's funny to watch the customers.
i'm always in a bad mood when i go there.
i want to watch Twilight again...i feel like once this week passes and the next begins..
i will be under much anxiety.
when i shouldn't be...
so leave wednesday like 11 AM ish
go to the show on Thursday [530 or 6] cause it starts at 7pm
then leave or sleep at Katie's and leave at like 6am
then get home
and unpack
and clean up
then leave for san fran.
ugh

so retarded
i need money
and i have none.
well i do.
but i can't afford everything.
i have issues with saving.
i wish i was a hermit.
and just stayed at home and did nothing.
except have work and go to school.
and then i could go out and spend money and then stay home.
i hate going out to places with people when they have money because i want to spend money i don't have or shouldn't be spending.
i like the company.
i'm such a loner.
even if i don't like someone or i know they'll piss me off i'll still go
because it beats being home and shit.

ugh

i feel like this is too long.

I swear to god, I won't stop until you're shakin'

i...haven't been to work since monday.
i'm not going in tomorrow.
so yay for a $10 paycheck.

i wish my camera took better photos.
or i wish people could take better photos with my camera
see this caption

definitley.
anyways.
i turn twenty in EXACTLY a week.

Hector asked why I hung out with a 17 year old.
I replied "you guys make me feel young..besides this isn't as bad..i talk to a 16 year old on MySpace" [ granted said 16 year old is in a band..not a famous one..a local one..but still..]

Yisel and I were supposed to make brownies next week/end.
But i don't think it's happening M or T. and idk if i work MW..and thursday is an obvious "no no" and so i was like "Saturday" and she's like "Valentine's Day." and i'm like "d'oh" so that's gonna be post poned.

Apparently somewhere in Twilight Kristen Steward calls him "robert" instead of Edward..i'll find that part..eventually.
I'm going to Tre for dinner..if anyone cares.
Guest list- family and/or friends that can make it...this is NOT a public event..you MAY NOT brign Guests. lol..oh facebook.

i got a JUMBO slinky today
here see
neato huh? maybe not.

today was a good day.
aside from waking up late and rushing to school..forgetting my jacket and having to do yoga on a soaking wet mat...i had fun..ish.
history wasn't boring although i wasn't paying attention at all.
psychology was HILARIOUS.
and Art History..well i was bored..but not tired.

then i went home. and then i went back out to eat at BK LOUNGE..that was for you Drew..
lol

and then we went to Wishing well..because he wanted a bracelet..but he didnt find the one he wanted so he got some purple one..i forgot what it said.
and he got those chinese finger trap thingys. he got like 5 because idk what it is about people and those things and their desire to trap every finger..but yeah.

then we went to target where i got my Jumbo slinky

and thne i went home.
and i logged on MySpace..finished a survey
did my homework [WOW!!]
and then ate some mac and cheese.

i've been online for..32 mins? i don't think so LAIM..*sigh*
i think my internet goes in and out wihtout me realizing it

btu yeah
more like a couple hrs.
this is ridiculous.


sleep well

it's been a hard days night

eight days til i turn twenty.
i've mentioned this on numerous occasions.
so why not mention on blogger?

okay so i have to say..life is going pretty well.
complaining should be pushed aside...at least for a few days.

i want to be stress free.
i have lots of homework to do still but i won't let it bug me.

ow i just had a jolt of pain pierce my back. that was...
unpleasant.

anyways...i'm tired. i slept a lot today.
hopefully i don't have work on friday..i'd like to sleep in.
or like be out late thursday..or not.
i'll probably just be home early.

i think i'll just start my fashion hw, and then i'll print out the stuff i need for history and i won't look at it but whatever. you know
i need to read that book. damnit.

i hate my bad skin.

it stays with me again

"i'll give you my time and patience, if that's what you want. but i don't think that it is. you're obviously channeling someone, something else and i am just sitting her patiently for something, someone that will never even notice"

i'd say that. but i won't.
once you tell people about someone..it looses its strength i think. like a secret..the more people you tell, the less you feel it as a secret. so now i guess i'm keeping something from most of the world that only two other people know...maybe three.

"you're son young. you have the rest of your life ahead of you. why are you so eager to settle down? how do you know if she's right for you if you jump at the first chance you can? how do you know if you let the right person go? why do you blow your chances? take them when you can or they might not be there next time."

again i'd say that. and i sort of have.

"not everyone gets what they want. learn to cope with it. i'm not going to take care of you. we'd just hurt eachother. it's easy for me to tell you not to be so upset over something of this nature but i talked to her...i guess it's common between you guys. being alone isn't that bad."

wow i could talk out of my ass. i wonder if i could convince myself of my own lies.

i keep looking at my phone eagerly.
i keep reading between the lines in the wrong ways.
i keep hoping.
i guess it's better to be optimistic...even if the optimisim is misplace because no body likes it when you're down in the dumps.


"you lost your chance..get over it. you blew it and its all your fault. it doesn't matter who it's about you probably treated them like shit. not everyone will wait."

unglue your lips from being together

cigarettes..
made my shirt stinky.
my eyes hurt.
gives you hell is playin.
my head hurts.
alberto's was hella delish.
party 1 = lame because it was "three boys in the living room playin video games"
i met michelle. she's cool.
i made a flickr yesterday.
welll i always had one. but i think i'm going to start using it again.
yay for textual communication that did not result in a "fuck you" sort of attitude.
rather sucessful but maybe that's because he got time.
idk.


so i played beer pong but since i was driving..natalia drank for me.
michelle and i won. we beat jacob black...i think his real name was matt..not too sure. and some other dude..what that nick? idk.

but it was fun.
they got drunk.
drunk people are funny. and three girls int he bathroom at once with photoshoots and talking about boys when they're in the bathroom.

"are you stalking me?"

lmao.

classic.
i'm glad i went out.

okay now i'm getting bugged.
ugh.