like a hard candy, with a surprise center

i find it annoying yet comforting at the same time, that only one person reads this blog.
he may not even read it every day..perhaps only when something captures his attention.
part of me wants others to join in and read my banter
while another part of me appreciates the fact that i don't have strangers lurking around this
finding out deep dark secrets, i've yet to divulge into...if i even have any.

it has come to my attention that many people are already talking to one another as if Winter Break is over, IT'S NOT PEOPLE! we have a week left...or so...which reminds me...i haven't gotten my books yet. or my parking pass...or my ID. damnit.

anyways back to what i was trying to say,
i've realized that people are alreayd making plans to hang out during the school year,
i've hardly had a social winter break.
i just don't see the point of seeing people.
they're just empty conversations-not that i'm looking for a deep conversation; judgemental evaluations of one another, or 2 hours of wasting money and time one people you don't even connect with.

sure, i don't need to be friends with everyone and I certainly do not look for a BEST FRIEND in everyone i come across in life,
but,
i feel that the best friends i do have in my life are enough,
but is it so much to ask for just a little more compassion when you start a friendship with someone new?

i cannot stand when people try to be casual friends and then they want to be beter friends and decide to flip flop between the two. it makes my head spin.

i feel that even though people say "oh thye can talk shit about me and i can talk shit about them because we're best friends" - myself included, we don't really mean it. at least i don't. i know i'm rude, and i could ease up a bit- but i probably won't - so i don't really have a right to even bring this up but - i guess what i'm trying to say is i don't need any more best friends because i have enough people telling me bull shit i could care less about- the horrible decisions i've made and how bad of a person i am- that i don;t need another bff.
don't get me wrong the close friends i do have - i love to death, they understand me and although sometimes they hurt me- they've been with me through thick and thin, i can tell them the dumbest shit, which some may repeat and hurt me- they always do something ewaully as stupid it's all about pay back.

i don't know if i made any sense
i always feel that i contradict myself.